The Road

Weather: 79 & Fair
Drinks: Vodka Lemonade

The road ahead.

Wouldn't it be nice to see where that left curve leads? Instead we just keep pacing along, and the path unfurls, for better or for worse.

Luckily, my cohorts are still mostly along for the ride, and can be appeased with a roll of Ritz. . . and promise of a trip to the park.

We put in 3-ish miles tonight, even though we've been battling fevers, coughs, sinus infections, throat infections, ear infections, massive vomiting and not to leave out diarrhea this week. Our Hot Doctor ventured to tell me Angelfish most likely has influenza, but NOT TO PANIC! Luckily her fever broke this morning and she was able to hold down liquids today.

I've been working from home as possible but ended up having to send the Nanny home early today as she's developed fever and aches. Lysol is my new best friend.

But, despite all that, our need to get outside and blow the stink off outweighed the heavy burn in my chest that has been percolating since early this morning. And I'm still trying to think a 7 mile cross country race in November is a good idea, as well as a 3+ mile turkey trot for Thanksgiving. Yeesh.

Anyways, the answers about our direction in life are about as evasive to me as ever, even with the crisp fresh air. I still don't know why I question it so much. Seems the only thing I ever really wanted was to not be alone . . and well, three kids has a way of solving that one right quick. Maybe I'm just still disappointed I tried so hard to make good decisions about that guy this past summer and despite my best efforts I still ended up getting hurt.

Universe, you're teaching me some hells kinds of lessons, ok? It's alright to catch me a break for a minute. For real. And Sea Monkey having his second bout of diarrhea today on the toilet doesn't count. He still shit down his leg this morning. And there's still vomit in my bed from last night.

Now go hug your spouse - good and tight. I'm going to have a(nother) glass of wine.

Enter the Old Hag & the Half Marathoning Birthday

Weather: 82 & Sunny
Drinks: Gin & Tonic

It's that time of year again . . .time to dust off the warty nose and hunch back and let out a hearty cackle to the skies.

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm the old hag. For real.

Over the summer I fought off dating a really amazing guy. Then this fall I decided to let myself toy with the idea of falling for him. Well. . . turns out I fell and he didn't. Even 'amazing' guys can pull off really bullshit moves. Nice turn around, huh?

So I've cried my tiny bitter tears and carefully stuffed my old black heart back in the crate of soft peat where it belongs. I am the old hag. For ever and ever, amen.

But I'm still trying to process why I've managed to have 3 gorgeous children but can't manage to secure a fabulous mate. Even the good ones go bad - this fall proved it.

Ok - enough bitching.

Lots of good stuff is happening, too.

My Half Marathon was a raucous SUCCESS! I trained and trained and trained for it this summer and it was the most fulfilling thing I think I could have done for myself.

Thank you Givigirl for championing the idea for me (even if you don't remember it). And special thanks to Prom Queen and her Man for energizing the day. Oh yeah, and to my folks for wrangling the kids so many times I had long walks to train. And my Sis for bringing the whole family up for the weekend! And the academy, and my agent . . .

We had an absolute blast and I can't tell you the feeling of jogging down the gates to the finish line. I had made myself a stupid shirt proclaiming it was my birthday - which it was - and all the way folks cheered me Happy Birthday! I felt like a rock star and the best part is I'm truly in the best shape I've been in in YEARS. Last year - birthday in the hospital on bedrest waiting for Angelfish . . this year - half marathon! Woo hoo!



So enough bragging.

More to tell but I'm working from home today so I guess I'd better get some work done. Yo.

One

Weather: 80 & sunny
Drinks: Champagne

Happy first birthday my sweet!

You are truly my little angel and I love you to pieces.

Weather: 79 & still
Drinks: Bloody Mary's

Knowing I've been down in the dumps this past week, my lovely Mom - bless her heart, shot me an email this morning happily titled: Beach Babe

"Thought this pic would cheer you up!" it touted.

And up popped a picture of me, on a beach, in a tiny bikini, with all the right curves in all the right places . .. when I was all of 19. If ever I was smokin, that was it.

Really, Mom? Really?

REALLY.

SOLD

Weather: 82 & breezy
Drinks: Tequila Sunrise - Big Dirk is on deck

Anyone know what the going rate is for toddler twins? You know, like of you wanted to keep a couple in your life. No?

I do.

Last week I heard from my lawyer, and apparently Sperm Donor is throwing in the towel – after a mere 9 months of not paying child support. It was either pay the support or go to jail or give up his rights. He’s choosing to give up his rights.

At first I was elated, and had no concept we would be at this point so early down the road towards the kids turning 18. I thought we would have years of fighting and back and forth to go through, but it boiled down to a total of 5 supervised visitations and 9 missed child support payments for him to finally give up and admit he could care less about Starfish and Sea Monkey.

Now, I’m feeling incredibly hurt for them. The twins have no concept of it now, for which I am forever thankful, but in the end their father sold them off to save his own hide – for only a few thousand dollars. He’s giving up these little people, whom I think are the most amazing people on the planet, rather than commit to supporting them in the smallest way possible. It’s awful.

So, the twins will soon be totally, completely MINE as long as a judge will sign off on the deal, which will take a couple weeks at least. Though it’s exactly what I always wanted, I’m still in shock.

I'm Alive

Weather: 82 & still
Drinks: Vodka Lemonade

Where to begin?

We’re down to the last week and a half until my first half-marathon! And my birthday! I’m nervous, but excited to finally accomplish the goal I set for myself 9 weeks ago. Training has been fairly steady, and in fact two weeks ago I actually trained a 13.4 miler. I KNOW I can do the race, but now it’s just doing it. Again, I’m nervous, but know it will be over before I know it.

Subsequently my pants have been fitting better, I don’t drink much at all (notwithstanding LAST weekend) and my overall well being is greatly improved. I feel physically strong – a vast improvement from not that long ago. Though I also know my ass muscles start to burn like a mofo @ 8 miles - WTF?

I think part of my nerves lie in what’s next? Cold weather, the gluttony of the holidays and the likelihood of returning to my former out of shape self. Plus, walking can get BORING. I never thought I’d say it, but it does. And the kids tire of it, too. The triple wide jogger rocks, but not for 2+ hours. And there are only so many routes to take that avoid the plethora of playgrounds around. Avoiding playgrounds = avoiding the effing double whining that ensues. Which nothing I can say will cure. And it gets OLD.

But I’m psyched for next Sunday. My Sis is coming to town with hopefully nieces and nephew in tow and we’ll celebrate my birthday . . and Angelfish’s 1st birthday two days later.

Which brings me to the next item – Angelfish is nearly a year old already. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone. Cliché I know – but seriously – WTF? She’s sporting 3 teeth with the 4th nearly broken through, is standing steadily and just moments away from her first steps. She’s an amazing daughter to put it mildly.

What else? There’s just tons going on right now it’s hard not to collapse after the kids go to bed. They rock, but I can’t rock nearly as hard as I used to.

Hope all is well out there in the world.

I know this post sucks, but some things just aren't ready to be talked about. I'm thinking about moving. Anyone want to go along?

Weather: 80 & sunny
Drinks: Upsidedown Cakes

Summer is dwindling fast. The days are getting noticeably shorter.

Where once I could rock out 6 miles at the lake after work . . . now we only have light for 4.

Luckily, my training schedule doesn't demand much more than that during the week, so we can limp along until October and the Half Marathon before the sun shuts us down until spring.

Last Monday, Mom came to help me out with the kids and let me get my longest walk ever in . . . 11.4 miles. At mile 6 I started feeling a blister on my toe. At mile 10 I knew I would make it, but my 10.5 my legs turned to lead. I pushed out the last .9 miles in a physical and mental space I'd never been before. It was amazing.

Tuesday I felt like the rusted up Tin Man if I sat too long at my desk.

Wednesday the kids and I sailed out 4 miles before the fat orange sun sunk on the horizon.

Wednesday night I dreamed I ran into Asshat and blurted out "We need to talk." and he said "Sure." He said he wanted to leave Angelfish a large sum of money in his will, but since we were never married his lawyer said the only way he could do that was if Angelfish lived with him full time going forward. I said not on your life! And woke in a cold sweat.

There are 3 shows and 1 movie we watch in this house. Caillou, Dora and Thomas. And Ice Age 2, The Meltdown. Ever get one of those theme songs stuck in your head all day? And just want to stab yourself in the brain? Or does that trump hearing your twin toddlers bitch and moan until you turn one of those shows on? D-d-d-d-Dora! D-d-d-d-Dora! D-d-d-d-Dora!

Tonight we had M&M's, Sun Chips and baked beans for dinner. The M&M's were bribery for being good in the store while I futzed around for an hour. The Sun Chips were easy. And the baked beans are for a work pot luck tomorrow. Does that make me a bad Mom?

And little Angelfish has an ear infection and a throat infection. She's been feverish & super sleepy for a couple days and not eating well, but today enough was enough. We saw the doctor and got antibiotics. She's teething hard core, which is probably the crux of the problem. Her two bottom teeth sprouted with not so much as a whimper, so I fear the whole rest of her lot of teeth are going to break through this weekend with as much fuss as we've been though this week.

Such is life here on the island.